I have been debating over sharing this with all of you or not but realize that I shouldn’t share just what I want to but the real road that we are on. I will leave some of the details and names out because this doesn’t have to be about the person and what they did. With that being said we entrusted a dear friend of ours with a sizable amount of money (at least to us) to buy something that we would use every week if not everyday. That person lives in a big city and could get better selection and prices on that particular item. Where we live used are rarely in good shape and usually still costly. Since we knew that we were going to use it right when we got here we sent the money ahead for a agreed upon item. When we arrived that individual couldn’t meet with us but said they would send it in a few days after some paperwork issues were resolved. I had kind of a funny feeling about it but since we were like family I let it go. A couple weeks later I contacted them again to see about getting the item and got the same response. This went on for two months of them giving different excuses for not sending the item to us. I knew something was up but couldn’t get myself to call this person out on it. Everyone around me that knew that we were supposed to get this item told me that this individual didn’t have the item and was just lying to me about it and asked why didn’t I just confront them on it. Even with being very confident that what they said was true I didn’t want our friendship to end that way. I told them that it was on that person if they stole from me and were lying to me about it but didn’t want to be the friend who accuses someone of wrongdoing and hurt our friendship if it wasn’t true. I always hoped that they really were telling the truth. So I waited another two and half months and the truth was finally told to me. This individual was hard on money and decided to use me to get ahead a little bit. It didn’t solve their problems (money rarely does) but caused more that money can never fix. I share this with you not because I desire pity or judgement but transparency. I didn’t want to share because I don’t like losing, my pride hates coming out looking weak or taken advantage of. The thing that I learned through all this is that once I got past the frustration and emotions of this deal (four and a half months is a long time) I realized that I was more sad. Sad that a friend couldn’t tell me the truth that I wonder sometimes who can I trust now? There is a fine line between being taken advantage of and a good friend. I also realized that I don’t want to waste my time being angry or cynical. I forgive that person even though I have to remember that over and over again (maybe forgiveness is kinda like love in that way). The question that I haven’t figured out is how this all impacts our future relationship? Do I not trust them anymore? I don’t want to be cynical but how do I trust them? How does forgiveness work if you don’t trust them? I know that many people have wrestled with these questions before and still do today. Maybe like God forgiving me for my many sins and knowing I am going to fall short again it’s not about the one at fault but the of heart of the offended. I know one thing for sure though, that is no matter how I try to safeguard my heart from betrayal it won’t really work. I will be let done again, feel betrayed, wronged and down right hurt again. So I guess it isn’t what others do to me that damages my heart the most but how I react to it when they do. No anger, hate, payback, jail time or penalty will fix my heart only God does that. So I need to trust Him in my mountain top experiences as well as my low low valleys. For He has something for me in all circumstances Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Hurt isn’t what causes the most pain it is when that injury gets infected that it damages more and hurts more. Now I know that this betrayal is very minor (its only money) but I believe that no matter the source of the pain in your life God is the answer to your heart healing! Here is Boaz’s minor bug bites that got infected. I hope and pray that my heart doesn’t look like or feel like that when I’m done with my journey here on earth.
