As I wake up this morning refreshed and listening to the roosters crow (since 4). I am thinking about how blessed I am and how tired and run down I felt yesterday. Since arriving it has been one little thing after another both strengthening and weakening. I feel encouraged and discouraged many times in the same moment it seems. Wondering if we are going to really be able to make a difference and still knowing that this is where we are supposed to be.
Each day we are buried in work. Work we have to do to live here, work we should do to prepare for the future and then extra work because well it's not even close to how we lived five weeks ago. From hand pumping all the water we use and carrying it in buckets to where we are going to use it, to cutting up the fresh fish we get in the morning so that we can prepare it for meals everything takes more time and energy than we think we have. Yet everything gets done.
The toughest part isn't the work though it's watching the boys struggle to adjust. The food is so different, not feeling 100% (colds, diarrhea, vomiting and fevers), sleeping in mosquito nets, new friends over everyday day (desired or not), and school yeah that thing. They are doing well and adjusting to things fine but they struggle with it all and are tired of different. One of the results is that they give up really quickly and breakdown. This though is going to make them stronger men I know but it's hard to watch.
Add more weight to the sand bags ok, more water to pump fine, more fish to clean because we have unexpected visitors no problem! Minor inconveniences don't bother me but watching others struggle isn't my strength but if I know one thing it's that this isn't about me. If it was I wouldn't be here with my family writing this right now.
Each morning His mercies are new! Each day my mind is refreshed and renewed not because of the sleep I got but because of my relationship with God (prayer, scripture and worship). Each day I know that this tattered and well worn body is going to get done whatever He has planned for it. He is enough especially when I don't think that I am. Like He said to Paul "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9".
Feeling weak? Good because then you really can see His strength. Feeling tired? Good because then you can lean on Him alone. Feeling mentally exhausted? Look to One who's mercies are new every morning. It doesn't mean that everything will be how we want it to be but it does give hope for tomorrow. I don't know if that's what you need but that's where I'm at.